Wanderlust
by tkioz
Summary: Abandoned! Irresistible impulses drive people to do insane things in insane situations. Femslash, KOTOR Fic.
1. Chapter 01

**Chapter 1)**

**Disclaimer:** See Author's Notes

Visper Jerre sat on her bunk onboard on the Ebon Hawk. She was tired, dead tired, her short cropped brown hair was slick with sweat, testament to a day spent under the hot Tatooine sun. Groaning she leaned forward and pealed her boots off one by one, sighing in quiet pleasure as her feet tingled in the clean air after a day in captivity.

The heavy boots hit the metal floor with a loud clang. She leaned back against the bulkhead, and closed her eyes, too tired to disrobe further. The day's events weighed heavily on her mind, the vision she had the night before, the meetings with the Czerka Corporation reps to gain access to outside the port, how she detested dealing with those greedy rats, running into the Dark Jedi…

Visper let out a sigh.

She was fooling herself. It wasn't any of that that had her so worn out, it was Bastila, it was always Bastila, the meeting with Helena had been a strain on her dark haired Jedi mentor slash adviser, and she was at a lost to help her.

Not that Bastila wanted her help; she had made that clear, if not in words. She could feel her discomfort radiating through the bond they shared.

After Manaan she had hoped Bastila had come to place more trust in her and might have even started viewing her as a friend.

Why that was important to her… she shied away from that though. It wasn't something she wanted to think about.

Stifling a grown she pushed herself off the bunk and headed towards the small crew refreshment facilities to clean up as best she could considering the cost of water on an arid world like Tatooine.

######

Bastila glanced up from where she was cleaning the sand out of her Lightsaber, the elegant yet deadly Jedi weapon was in pieces on the main table in the common crew area, just in time to see a tired looking Visper trudge pass her in the direction of the 'fresher. While the day had been as long for her as it had been for her older companion she looked and felt as fresh as if she had stepped out of the Manaan Sea.

She made a mental note to offer to teach Visper learn how better to adapt to the harsh climates they were likely to encounter when she returned.

Turning her attention back to the task at hand she frowned, it wasn't strictly necessary to clean her weapon at this time, they were far from fragile, but it gave her something to keep her mind occupied.

While it did not show on her as it did on her companions, Zaalbar's fur had been literally drenched in sweat when he and Mission had returned from restocking their supplies; the day had taken its toll on her as well.

Seeing her moth… Helena again after so long had tested her emotional control. Her father was dead.

Bastila's hands gripped the saber's tubing tightly and she took a deep shuddering breath, gaining a questioning look from Juhani who sat at the other end of the table eating a ration bar.

Bastila waved off the young Cathar's concern and returned her attention to the small tool and her saber, carefully picking specs of sand from the grooves.

_There in no Emotion; There is peace…_

######

Later that night under the Ebon Hawk in the chilling cold of the Tatooine night Visper stood shivering, her bare arms pointing away from her body as her hands came together in a classic meditative pose in front of her chest, well it would have been classic if she hadn't been shaking from the cold.

"Your body can survive in this environment," Bastila's calm voice rang in her ears as the old Jedi paced around her, "provided of course you can find shelter before it gives out, however you can not find shelter if you are incapacitated from the cold, your bodies reaction to the cold is to let you know what is wrong, like pain, however once you know there is a problem, you can disable those 'signals' from your body so you may work to resolve the issue unimpaired"

Visper clenched her teeth to keep them from chattering, and to keep herself from saying something rude. When Bastila had offered to teach her how to endure extreme environments, she didn't know the lessons would involve freezing her ass off in her underwear. At least the cold night had driven away any would-be spectators.

"However unlike pain, which you have already learned to ignore when needed, extreme cold and heat affect your entire body" 

Bastila was now standing behind Visper; she around out slowed and placed her hands on the older woman's forearms.

"Do not think about the cold," The Jedi whispered softly, her head next to Visper's, "think about a fire, how it slowly fills your body with warmth"

By now Visper's eyes were closed and her breathing slow. The warmth slowly spread outwards from where Bastila's hands were touching her until her entire body was suffused with the warmth. She leaned back instinctively into Bastila. If she had been thinking clearly, she would have noted with surprise that Bastila tightened her own hold on the older woman. 

Visper tilted her head up slowly and started to open her eyes…

*cough*

The two Jedi's jumped apart and spun around towards the ramp of the Ebon Hawk whereCanderous Ordo was standing, a smirk covering the Mandalorian mercenary's scarred face.

"If you two are done with your _training_, the evening meal is ready"

Visper glanced at Bastila who was already walking towards the hatch and shivered slightly. The warmth of only moments before was gone. As she followed the young Jedi up the ramp she glared at the large Mandalorian still standing there. As she passed him, she _accidentally_ bumped her hip into his and gave it a slight push with the force, spending him sprawling off the ramp and into the dust.

As she headed towards her bunk to put on some clothes she could her Canderous's raucous laughter. 

######

Well there was chapter 1. I hope you liked it. I plan on update hopefully every week. 


	2. Chapter 02

**Chapter 2)**

**Disclaimer:** See Author's Notes

Canderous pulled back to avoid the Sandperson's gaffistick and swung around with the butt of his heavy blaster and slammed it down onto the back of the fully covered humanoid. He stepped over the fallen warrior without glancing down and took aim at the rapidly approaching form of another enemy. He squeezed off a quick succession of blasts felling the creature quickly and efficiently, 4 blots striking it in the chest. 

His battle trained gaze quickly swept the sand dune for more enemies, he only saw two, one currently being decimated by the droid HK-47, the droid appeared to be enjoying dismantling the being a little too much, but it lacked the power and speed, or perhaps just the inclination, to quickly finish offer its opponent, the second enemy was being quickly and brutally finished off by Visper Jerre.

Canderous smiled to himself. He had chosen well when he had decided to follow the female Jedi on her quest. Near her feet were the bodies of six of the nine Sandpeople who had ambushed them on the dunes.

Visper ducked low to avoid the Sandperson's swipe, she brought the edge of the short Lightsaber in her left hand up quickly, catching the Sandperson's hand's on the hilt of his gaffistick, slicing threw both the hilt and the hands holding it, disarming him, or her, she wasn't sure. Before the stick could hit the ground, she had pivoted on one foot and swung around; bringing the indigo blade of her full saber, held in her right hand, down across the chest of her opponent she quickly ended his life.

_Yes_, Canderous' smile grew, _I have indeed chosen well._

######

The deeper they had gone into the Dune Sea, as the Tatooine natives called it, the more frequent the attacks had came. It was nearing noon and they would soon have to turn back, Visper thought, even with the training Bastila had gave her last night, she grimaced slightly as she remember Canderous' smirks at her over the evening meal, she was no match for the heat of Tatooine's roaring Sun during the hottest part of the day.

She was just about to turn to her companions when she saw a glint on the horizon. There it was, less then a kilometre away, the Sandpeople's stronghold. 

######

After scouting out the compound and meeting with the Sandpeople inside they had returned to Anchorhead and the Ebon Hawk to consider their options. 

"Moister Vaporators," Canderous spat in disdain, "I had thought these Sandpeople were warriors, instead they are little more then Kath hounds begging for scraps"

"Be that as it may," Bastila's calm voice took over from the mercenary, "it does present us with an opportunity to end this without considerable violence."

"But I was looking forward to considerable violence" HK-47 interjected, but was ignored.

"Even if we all attacked," Bastila continued, "destroying the entire compound would prove most difficult"

Visper nodded, "I agree"

"There's a shock" Carth muttered under his breath, earning a glare from both Jedi.

"I agree as well, there is nothing to be gained from pointless battle" Juhani added her voice.

Both Mission and Zaalbar nodded in agreement. Canderous looked on with disgust but didn't say anything in disagreement; he knew when to pick his battles.

"So it is agreed, we'll purchase the Vaporators and deliver them to the Chieftain" Visper said with a note of finality in her voice. 

"They'll cost" Carth warned.

Visper glared at him, "better it cost us credits then blood Carth, and besides, gaining the Chieftain's trust may give us a clue as to where the Starmap is located"

######

The next day Visper set out from Anchorhead along with HK-47 and Bastila, leaving behind the others to watch for arriving Sith ships and to listen in the cantina for rumours of the Starmap's location, and other useful information. It was still early, almost dark when they left and the chill of the night before hung in the air.

Visper could see her breath in front of her face as she carted a surprisingly light Vaporator strapped to her back, HK-47 carried the other one, with Bastila on the look out for any surprises.

Now that she knew where the encampment was, it was only a short hour hike away. An hour.

"HK-47," Visper said, "take point"

"Yes Master," the battle droid said enthusiastically and quickly trotted out in front of the group.

Bastila glanced at her companion questioningly.

"We need to talk," Visper said as she moved to walk along side Bastila.

"If this is about my mother, I don't wish to discuss it" Bastila said looking straight ahead.

"It doesn't matter if you wish it or not, you need to talk about it, if not with me, maybe one of the others" Visper said, he voice calm, but inside she definitely didn't want Bastila talking about this with anyone but her. It was a selfish thing, but it was how she felt, and she had learned through her Jedi training that one can only control their emotions, resolve them and move towards peace, not eradicate them. 

"You're right," Bastila sighed, "as usual, it is becoming an annoying habit"

"I try my best" Visper smirked, inwardly relieved.

Bastila shot her a dirty look as they continued to walk, "you truly are an insufferable woman"

"I'm sorry," Visper said softly, "I don't have much experience with this, dealing with people that is, I do want to help though"

"I know you do" Bastila said softly.

They continued to walk in silence for a few more minutes, Visper allowing her friend to gather her wits. 

"We were never very close," Bastila began slowly, "my mother and I that is, well I suppose I told you that before, but I can't help but wonder, is she telling the truth? Is she really sick?" 

Visper kept her tongue, allowing her friend to find her own path.

"And if she is sick, how do I feel about that? Glad? Am I that hateful towards my own mother? I know how I feel about my father, I feel as if I've been stabbed I haven't seen him since I was a child, but somewhere in the back of me mind there was always the possibility that I would see him again, now…" Bastila paused, before continuing, her voice tight with restrained emotion, "now, I'll never see him again, and I know it"

Visper could see the tears that were gathering in the normally strong young Jedi's eyes; slowly a single tear broke free and started to trail down her face. Visper reached out and put her hand on Bastila's forearm. The younger woman stopped. Visper reached up and brushed the tear away with her thumb.

"It's alright to cry for him you know"

"No!" Bastila said strongly, her voice cracking, "there is no emotion, there is peace…" 

"Bantha dung!" Visper snapped, "He was your father, you loved him, and he loved you, there is nothing wrong with grieving for him"

The words opened a floodgate and the tears Bastila had been holding back broke free, streaming down her face. Quickly she found her self pulled into an embrace by the older woman. Bastila buried her face in the crook of Visper's neck, her hot tears quickly staining the Jedi's robe. 

Together the two Jedi stood under the slowly rising Tatooine Sun, one crying for the father she would never see again, and the other holding her tight, crying inside for her friend. Just ahead a battle droid stood guard, his brown armour glinting in the sun. 

######

Notes: As you can see, Carth isn't my favourite person, but don't worry, I'm not going to bash him, or write him massively OOC. Another thing I hoped to do with this chapter was deal with Bastila's loss of her father, I always thought they glossed over it a bit much in the game.

Also I would like to thank those that reviewed; it was gratifying to see that others enjoyed this :-)

BTW does anyone know the singular for Sandpeople? Sandperson just sounds bloody silly >:-/


	3. Chapter 03

**Chapter 3)**

**Disclaimer:** See Author's Notes

Bastila sat on her bunk; he left leg pulled up close to her, her left arm wrapped around it and her chin resting on it. In her right palm was a small worn brown cube. She stared at it intensely, as if it held all the answers to the universe, and perhaps in a way it did, her universe.

"Are you just going to look at it all day?"

Bastila started, her head jerking towards the door to the living quarters she shared with Juhani, Mission, and Visper, to find the latter leaning against the doorframe, her face still covered with grime from the hard day. Her robes were torn in places and looked like they carried half the sand in the Dune within them, and the area around her eyes were her goggles had been was clean, making her appearance almost comical, yet Bastila felt her breath catch at the intense look of concern and affection on the older woman's face.

"What?" Bastila said after a moment, realising Visper had spoken again.

"I asked if you were okay, you seamed to be far away from here" Visper said as she pushed off the doorframe and made her way over to and took a seat on her own bunk which was opposite Bastila's.

"I'm fine, just preoccupied." 

"Understandable," Visper said, "given everything that is happening at the moment, have you made any decision about the holocron, you could just keep it you know"

"I know, but I think that is what I should do…" Bastila trailed off.

"Forget about what you 'should' do! What do you **want** to do?" Visper leaned forward.

"Giving into your passions is a path to the darkside" Bastila said, her tone grave.

"No, everyone wants, everyone converts, its repressing your passion and your desire that makes it harder to resist" Visper said, absolute certainty ringing in her tone, she wasn't sure were these words were coming from. She was startled to see all the colour drain from Bastila's face as the younger Jedi became as pale as a ghost. If Visper had been paying more attention to the force she would of suddenly felt a massive surge in fear and dread come from Bastila, but she wasn't.

"I ...," Bastila paused, her voice suddenly thick, "I think I should go see my mother and give her the holocron" Bastila stood up and started towards the door.

Stunned by the abrupt about-face, Visper jumped up and grabbed Bastila by the elbow, only to find herself slamming into the bulkhead 3 meters away when a sudden burst of force power hit her. The Jedi slid down the wall onto the floor, her back resting painfully against the bulk head as she looked up at Bastila in shock.

Bastila's expression mirrored the shock etched on Visper's face. The two Jedi didn't move for long moments, partly in disbelief of what had happened.

The silence was broken as Juhani, Mission, Zaalbar, and Canderous rushed into the room with weapons drawn, the later 3 racing after Juhani when she suddenly looked up and bolted from the common room, her Lightsaber flying to her hand.

"What's going on?" Canderous demanded.

"Nothing," Visper snapped, breaking out of her state of confusion, "I slipped," she glared at Juhani to make her point, the words _DO NOT SAY A THING_ seemed to burn into the Cathar's mind.

As Visper scrambled to her feet, Bastila spun on her heel and ran from the room, a look of utter mortification on her face.

"Bastila!" Visper yelled after the retreating Jedi and took off after her.

"All this excitement over a lovers tiff" Canderous said in an almost casual yet somehow mocking tone to Zaalbar as Visper passed him.

Visper came to an abrupt halt, "What did you say?" she asked without turning around. For some reason, hearing the Mandalorian mock her and Bastila like that set of a spark of brutal anger in her breast. 

"You mean it wasn't?" Canderous smirked, the three other occupants of the room quickly found other things to look at, backing away slowly from the other two. "I didn't think you Jedi had it in you to play rough"

Visper spun, her eyes blazing, and Canderous found himself suddenly a meter off the ground, an iron grip at his throat. 

######

**Notes:** As you can see only a short one this time, but I want to heat things up a bit and explore some of the under used parts of the story, such as the bond, and yes I do enjoy Canderous. 

I'd be interested to see a Reven(male or female)/Canderous story if anyone knows of one. If this story was going to be het (its not) it would be Canderous/Reven


	4. Chapter 04

**Chapter 4)**

**Disclaimer:** See Author's Notes

"URK!" Canderous gasped, his hands clutching at the invisible grip choking the life from him, his eyes were wide and his mouth gaping open, desperately trying to breathe. His feet kicked at the air, trying to gain purchase on the deck almost a meter below him. 

"Visper! What are you doing!?" Mission yelled, Juhani echoed the statement a moment later. The Catharian Jedi was shocked to see the raw power, the dark power, coming from Visper. She reached out with her senses and tried to fracture the grip, only to be rebuffed, painfully.

It was Zaalbar that ended it a moment later, a moment that seemed like a life time, as the massive Wookie roared, and stepped between the enraged Jedi and Mandalorian mercenary. His face only inches from Visper's, startling her. Canderous dropped to a floor as the rage fled from Visper's mind. Shock replaced the rage.

A strangled cough came from the floor of the room, Canderous was looking up at Visper with an odd mix of fear, mirth, and admiration, "I didn't ***cough*** know you had it in you, I'm impressed" 

Visper stumbled back, bumping into the door, "I... I… I need to speak to Bastila" and with that she turned and bolted from the room, leaving 3 stunned friends and one intrigued Mandalorian still holding his throat.

######

Bastila was sitting at a table in the cantina, her mother was no where to be found, and no-one she had asked knew where Helena was staying. She should have expected it really, then again she didn't really like to think about her mother at all, let alone ask her where she was staying. It wasn't like she would sit in the cantina all day, every day.

"Is this seat taken?"

Visper stood behind the second chair at the table, her hand resting on its back, her expression apprehensive, and her voice soft. 

Bastila didn't answer, she simply waved her hand towards the chair and went back to staring at the glass of ice water that cost more then a bottle of 20 year old Corellian Whiskey did on most worlds. 

######

"They're both acting really weird" Mission said.

"Really? I hadn't noticed" was Canderous' sarcastic reply.

Zaalbar growled a warning at the big Mandalorian who just sneered at him. 

"Everyone," Juhani interrupted them, standing up from her place at the main table and raising her hands, "please be calm, fighting amongst ourselves will not solve anything" 

"What's to solve?" Canderous grunted as he rubbed at his soar throat, the bruises were already starting to come through; it was going to look nasty in the morning. 

Juhani just looked at him in disbelief.

"You know what I mean, it's not a big deal, and there is nothing we can do anyway"

"How can you say that?! She almost killed you!" Mission cried out.

"If she had wanted me dead, I would be dead" Canderous' tone was deadly serious. 

Silence hung in the air for a long moment until it was shattered by the sound of heavy boots on the grating, Carth's head poked around the door.

"Did I miss anything?"

**Notes:** Another short chapter, I was going to deal with the Bastila/Visper conversation in this chapter but I got side-tracked, I also kind of wrote myself into a corner and I want to spend some more time working over the details before I post anything so the next update might be a little later then normal.

Hey I said it was going to be lightside, I didn't say it wasn't going to be a bumpy road ;-) 


	5. Chapter 05

**Chapter 5)**

**Disclaimer:** See Author's Notes

The Jawa servant had came and gone, and unlike her reluctant companion Visper had a acholic beverage of sometime sitting in front of her, the green froth slowly edging over the top of the glass did nothing to entice her to drink it. The silence was dragging on too long. Visper was completely out of her element, sensitive chats were never her forte. She didn't know how to deal with people most of the time, it was one of the main reasons she worked alone. That wasn't to say she went without _companionship _at all, when those needs arose she dealt with them with the same pragmatism she dealt with the other parts of her life. 

All planets had places you could go and find someone to sate your lust with. No grand romances, no attachments, a single night of mutual pleasure. That was what she was accustomed too. 

Friendships were the same almost, she made allies, acquaintances, and associates, but very rarely friends, in fact she couldn't recall a single friend, or the face of a loved one, they were all faded blurs in her mind. 

Rid her mind of her musing Visper decided it would be best to get straight to the point, hopefully finding out what was happening to both of them.

"I strangled Canderous just after you left" She said bluntly. 

Bastila blinked and stared at her with large eyes; the Jedi picked up her drink, blinked again and put it back down. 

"Pardon me?" 

"I didn't kill him" Visper rushed on realising her error, "he is okay I think, I just picked him up by his throat like you did to that mercenary on Manaan when he thought Mission was for sale"

"Oh" 

"I don't even know what came over me, usually I can take his shit, it doesn't really bother me, but this time I dunno. It was like I suddenly a different person" Visper picked up her glass and moved it close to her, but she didn't drink from it, only stared deep into the dark green liquid. "It frightened me and I didn't like it" she said softly, not looking up. 

Visper started when she felt a warm and surprisingly soft hand touch her own. Bastila gently removed the glass from Visper's hand and sat it on the table; her hand's covering the older woman's. Visper looked up into a pair of brown eyes and saw nothing but compassion. It was if the noise of the bar around them faded as she spoke.

"Every Jedi, every being, struggles against their own inner darkness, you were taught this, but for us, it is doubly so, our bond connects us, and your dark impulses feed off mine and vis-à-vis, we amplify each other" 

Visper felt as though she had been punched, she was the cause of this; the fear and pain she felt through the link, her own inability to control herself was bringing Bastila hurt, she was inflicting her own darkness upon another, it was disgusted her, she moved to pull away. Only she could not. Bastila held tight and stared deep in Visper's eyes, drawing her attention back.

"But the opposite is also true, the darkness maybe stronger, but so is the light, together we are more the sum of our parts, we see it in combat, and we see it in other way as well, our light is more then strong enough to keep the dark at bay, if we are together."

"But I'm hurting you!" Visper protested.

"But you are also helping me!" Bastila countered, "thanks to you I'm seeing things in a new way, before my view was only of what a "proper" Jedi should see; now I see wonder and the grey between the dark and light, you balance me' 

"Balance?" Visper said softly. 

Bastila nodded, "we need balance, if we work together to achieve that balance we will be far stronger then either of us could be alone"

"I think I understand now, however.."

"Its not just your darkness" Bastila interrupted her, knowing where she was going, "I have my own, everyone does, Jedi or not. We all have a darkness inside us. We have to understand that, if we ignore it, it gains strength. Do you understand?"

Visper started to respond, but closed her mouth and stared deep into Bastila's eyes, she could see it, the darkness in her soul, a mirror of her own, but she could also see the light, she bright and wonderful. Finally she nodded, she understood.

"Together we are strong, together we can help each other"

"Yes" Bastila said smiling. She had never letting go of Visper's hands.

Notes: Well I hope that wasn't too mushy :-) and that everyone enjoyed it. The bumps aren't over yet and they aren't going to magically throw themselves at each other. This is going to be a long road. Feedback would be helpful ;-)

This chapter was a long time coming, but I'm going to claim work (even though I'm busy on a project), I'm not going to claim being busy (I was), I'm going to blame Ashleigh!!! He is a friend of mine that found out I was writing this story, and he cornered me on IRC and bitched about me writing a new chapter, he then started offering "suggestions" about 3somes, 4somes, orgies, bestiality and a lot of other really twisted stuff, it pretty much killed my interest in writing for a while. 

So yeah blame him. And Ash, I'm just kidding you big girl :-D 


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